Dear readers,
I recently decided to erase my post called "sexxxxxx". When I wrote it, I felt confused and angry about some uncomfortable situations that occurred between Hunter and I. I decided to take the post down because I realized that it wasn't fair to Hunter to bring his personal life into my blog. I don't know a person on this planet that doesn't struggle with sex on some level. For me, I tend to view men and their sexuality as bad, dangerous and dishonest. I have had to work really hard to trust Hunter and enjoy what we have instead of viewing it as something that will one day be used against me. My relationship with him has taught me how to accept, respect and trust another person on an intimate level. His patience and kindness towards me has given me a sense of ease and enjoyment that I never felt with another man before and I'm lucky he's as understanding as he is. We are all children of God working to become better human beings and I owe it to myself and to him to respect his privacy and not shame him for his sexuality. I made it about me and it's not. The truth is, learning to live with someone, peacefully, and set healthy boundaries that still allow each person to be themselves is a difficult challenge and, after 2 years, him and I are both still learning how to do it with respect and love. I know I'm with a man that is nothing like my father, I know he will always be loyal and faithful to me and I hope I didn't give anybody the wrong impression of the kind of person he is. Thank you to all of you who keep coming back and reading what I write.
Friday, June 24, 2011
The Power of Distraction
It's strange, between the move, trying to find an apartment working our asses off and planning the road trip back home to Chicago, mine and Hunter's world has been turned inside out and my biggest concern is what brand of Authentic Black Soap I should use. Our latest obsession has been a hostile and rather psychotic landlord that goes by the name of "Cozyrooms." He left a not so friendly email after I asked him a few questions regarding his apartment that he felt could have been answered had I "properly read the Craig's list ad". Now Hunter and I have been exchanging some mischievous banter back and forth with the guy who, i am now just beginning to realize, is very possibly mentally challenged. I can't think of any other excuse for his behavior. It's been going on for 4 days now and it keeps getting more and more bizarre on his end and abundantly amusing on ours. We have spent hours mocking this nut job and he keeps coming back with emails that say we're "knee-jerkers", "A-Holes", and that he has "complete control over us." Fuck it, I'll share them with you.
US-"My boyfriend and I would like to schedule an appointment to view the apartment June 14th-after 12 or anytime the 15th (we will be coming from Long Beach). We understand that it could be rented out by that point, but, in the event that it isn't, I would still like to set something up with you. Please let me know what day and time works best for you. Also, can you please tell me if the kitchen is an eat-in kitchen? And do you happen to know the square footage or general dimensions? Since we are so far away at this point it helps to get as much information as possible.
Thank you and I look forward to meeting with you."
COZYROOMS-"You obviously did not read the listing."
US-"Sure, you said it is a small kitchen with a dining area, so I suppose that answers our question, but you said nothing about total square footage. Obviously you're acting hostile simply because you don't know how to use a tape measure, but that's o.k. These things are difficult. Thank you very much for helping us with the landlord elimination process. You're clearly not someone we would want to give our hard earned money to."
COZYROOMS-"A-Hole
The listing clearly states same day appointments only and no email appointments.
I rule out A-Holes like YOU because you just want to lord over and order people about.
No, I do NOT measure units – that’s for prospects to determine for themselves.
You think that I am disappointed in not having TENANT FROM HELL like YOU?!!! Duh? I am a psychologist and can tell a A-Hole Tenat jerk immediately. Go abuse someone else A-Hole with your phony “thank yous”. Stuff yourself you know where."
US-"For a psychologist you sure have poor grammar, inadequate vocabulary, and atrocious people skills. Besides, we all know that your education is far over rated and unnecessary. By the way, can you please explain to me what a "tenat" is and what kind of a person uses the word "duh" when trying to validate his/her own righteousness? Please keep them coming, us "A-Holes" are loving this!"
COZYROOMS-"Go haunt and harass some poor naive owner – that’s who you are looking for with your tactics – you tenants from hell – so you can scam and harm some person. You hate FILLED ass-holes. You revealed yourself immediately to me – and then you could not resist. You just can not resist. Just knee-jerk – mentally controlled by your knee-jerk. Keep it up – who cares. You are NOT in my unit. That’s the bottom line. Loser."
US-"You know we just feel way too sorry for you to keep going with this. We wanted to get some info on the apartment at first. You immediately showed us who you are with your hostile and intolerant response. You don't know the first thing about conducting business, and we really feel bad for the unfortunate people who rent from you. Clearly you are unstable so we will leave you alone now. Good luck.
P.S. you probably shouldn't lie to people about being a psychologist. It's too transparent.
P.P.S. You should have put an emphasis on "ass-holes" rather than "filled" but bonus points for actually spelling the word out this time, "A-Holes" just didn't have the same effect.
P.P.P.S. Can we speak to your mother now-the adults need to have a little chat."
COZYROOMS-"No, fool. I immediately had your number and rejected YOU – TENANT FROM HELL. I Do NOT deal with ass-hole, losers like you and cut you out immediately as I did. You took the bait and you revealed yourself. You were not trying to get more info – you were trying to set up your knee-jerk habitual over-lording control trip and you failed. I am indeed a sickologist – deal with sickos like YOU and l have a long long list of published books, too. You are a failure and will always be a failure because of your out of control knee-jerk responding. Your life is a failure and you will always be a failure because you are not able to control yourself and you will never be able to control yourself. Knee-jerker!!!!!
YOU ARE A LOSER!
A HOMELESS LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
US-"Oh my God you are out of your mind. You say you were done with us
immediately, but you keep responding to our emails and giving us more
to laugh about. It's really pathetic. Are you aware that we are only
sending you these emails because we just think you're amusing? Do
yourself a favor. See a real psychologist. Also, it would probably
serve you well to actually learn how to write. It feels like I'm
receiving emails from a 5 year old. Get a thesaurus as well. There's
other words besides knee jerk and loser. By the way Sybil,
congratulations on your many published books. I'm glad the county
psyche ward allows their occupants to use crayons. Keep the emails
coming. We always look forward to them."
COZYROOMS-"Ass-hole, loser, tenant from hell . . . . YOU are the one who said she was done. . . But you cannot control your knee-jerk jerking . . . . You absolutely cannot control yourself and you will continue with your praddle because you cannot control yourself.
Come on, Homeless Loser, keep on sending your idiot, projection messages.
I DEMAND THAT YOU CONTINUE. I have YOU under control and you WILL do as I DEMAND.
Just keep it it, Tenant From Hell . . . You loser.
I DEMAND THAT YOU CONTINUE and you will do as I DEMAND. And you WILL respond to paradoxical intention - because YOU are a fool and YOU are a loser and YOU can not control yourself and YOU will live a LOSER'S LIFE!!!!!!!!
Now do as I DEMAND,
lil knee-jerk loser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ha, Ha, Ha, Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
US-"Woohoo! We just got an amazing apartment that blows your pathetic
piece of crap listing out of the water! Oh and the landlord is
amazing! Homeless losers my ass moron!"
COZYROOMS-"Ah, my obedient Lil Twit!!!!! Landlords who rent - in this hot snap-everything-great-right-up market - to Twits, sight unseen over the internet are desperate and reckless. Amazing? And seductive!!!! Oh, yeah!
And what have you gotten into? Yeah! Lil Twit, yeah!!!!!!!! You really imagine this amazing landlord took you, Lil Twit, over someone here - who can be seen and screened? You really imagine that, huh? Ahhh, desperate folks turn to the internet and full of themselves unsuspecting Lil Twits.
Moron, is a higher grade level than Lil Twit, the A-Hole, who imagines she is oh sooooo smart - and clever.
Now, you WILL OBEY ME and YOU WILL write some more of your praddle - so that I am entertained by my experiments and studying YOU!!!!!
Yeah, Lil Twit. You WILL obey! Got it, Twit!!!!!!"
We stopped there, it started to get boring. I know it's excessive and we probably could have been doing far more productive things and, yes, we completely antagonized the weirdo, but can you blame us? I don't know, the shopping and hate mail just seemed like a comforting distraction from my fear of change and my poor management in stressful situations. I'll be the first to admit that I don't handle stress well. I've had a vaginal infection for nearly 2 months now which I believe is a direct result of it. On top of that, I get flaky, for example, this morning I tried to brush my teeth using my vaginal gel instead of toothpaste.
Hunter and I are doing our best not to strangle each other in the process of everything that's going on. The fear of not having a job to depend on for a month or possibly more is a bit overwhelming. We have to pack and paint and Hunter is a slob to begin with, so along with the enormous lack of organization that encompasses a home full of half filled boxes constantly taunting a control freak like myself, I find myself cleaning up after him on an hour to hour basis; half drunk bottles of coke, glasses of water scattered through out every room like were on the set of the movie Signs, every pen I own stuck in some crevice of our sofa; I'm finding it difficult not to lose it, and I think he knows it too. We got into a huge argument the other day over who can pack faster. I actually yelled the words, with the utmost sincerity, "oh, I could so totally pack faster than you Hunter!" and of course he responded with "I don't think so." Followed by me yelling, "I think so! Well at least I would be thorough!!" It was so stupid we both wound up laughing. Luckily our recovery time has improved drastically.
Really though, a lot of good things are happening. The move up north just feels so right and our road trip back home is going to be so much fun, both of us exploring parts of America we haven't seen before. We're going to be visiting Sedona, Santa Fe, Austin, New Orleans, and spending 4th of July in Nashville. In all my cynicism, I know I've taken this country for granted. My goal for the trip is to face each and every moment of it with honor and gratitude. I feel like I've spent the past few years mistaking America's presence for it's politics and as a result I've grown bitter and resentful. But I think I'm ready to let that go. Between The Artist's Way and my sponsor, I'm finally learning how to have fun in life. It's kind of sad to say bu I never really knew how. Even in the greatest moments I have found something to be sad, angry or fearful about. It's exhausting. Life is just too exciting to spend it miserable all the time. So I'm going to blast some Cat Stevens, say "fuck it" and Harold and Maude my way through the next 3 months. I'll keep you updated.
US-"My boyfriend and I would like to schedule an appointment to view the apartment June 14th-after 12 or anytime the 15th (we will be coming from Long Beach). We understand that it could be rented out by that point, but, in the event that it isn't, I would still like to set something up with you. Please let me know what day and time works best for you. Also, can you please tell me if the kitchen is an eat-in kitchen? And do you happen to know the square footage or general dimensions? Since we are so far away at this point it helps to get as much information as possible.
Thank you and I look forward to meeting with you."
COZYROOMS-"You obviously did not read the listing."
US-"Sure, you said it is a small kitchen with a dining area, so I suppose that answers our question, but you said nothing about total square footage. Obviously you're acting hostile simply because you don't know how to use a tape measure, but that's o.k. These things are difficult. Thank you very much for helping us with the landlord elimination process. You're clearly not someone we would want to give our hard earned money to."
COZYROOMS-"A-Hole
The listing clearly states same day appointments only and no email appointments.
I rule out A-Holes like YOU because you just want to lord over and order people about.
No, I do NOT measure units – that’s for prospects to determine for themselves.
You think that I am disappointed in not having TENANT FROM HELL like YOU?!!! Duh? I am a psychologist and can tell a A-Hole Tenat jerk immediately. Go abuse someone else A-Hole with your phony “thank yous”. Stuff yourself you know where."
US-"For a psychologist you sure have poor grammar, inadequate vocabulary, and atrocious people skills. Besides, we all know that your education is far over rated and unnecessary. By the way, can you please explain to me what a "tenat" is and what kind of a person uses the word "duh" when trying to validate his/her own righteousness? Please keep them coming, us "A-Holes" are loving this!"
COZYROOMS-"Go haunt and harass some poor naive owner – that’s who you are looking for with your tactics – you tenants from hell – so you can scam and harm some person. You hate FILLED ass-holes. You revealed yourself immediately to me – and then you could not resist. You just can not resist. Just knee-jerk – mentally controlled by your knee-jerk. Keep it up – who cares. You are NOT in my unit. That’s the bottom line. Loser."
US-"You know we just feel way too sorry for you to keep going with this. We wanted to get some info on the apartment at first. You immediately showed us who you are with your hostile and intolerant response. You don't know the first thing about conducting business, and we really feel bad for the unfortunate people who rent from you. Clearly you are unstable so we will leave you alone now. Good luck.
P.S. you probably shouldn't lie to people about being a psychologist. It's too transparent.
P.P.S. You should have put an emphasis on "ass-holes" rather than "filled" but bonus points for actually spelling the word out this time, "A-Holes" just didn't have the same effect.
P.P.P.S. Can we speak to your mother now-the adults need to have a little chat."
YOU ARE A LOSER!
A HOMELESS LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
US-"Oh my God you are out of your mind. You say you were done with us
immediately, but you keep responding to our emails and giving us more
to laugh about. It's really pathetic. Are you aware that we are only
sending you these emails because we just think you're amusing? Do
yourself a favor. See a real psychologist. Also, it would probably
serve you well to actually learn how to write. It feels like I'm
receiving emails from a 5 year old. Get a thesaurus as well. There's
other words besides knee jerk and loser. By the way Sybil,
congratulations on your many published books. I'm glad the county
psyche ward allows their occupants to use crayons. Keep the emails
coming. We always look forward to them."
COZYROOMS-"Ass-hole, loser, tenant from hell . . . . YOU are the one who said she was done. . . But you cannot control your knee-jerk jerking . . . . You absolutely cannot control yourself and you will continue with your praddle because you cannot control yourself.
Come on, Homeless Loser, keep on sending your idiot, projection messages.
I DEMAND THAT YOU CONTINUE. I have YOU under control and you WILL do as I DEMAND.
Just keep it it, Tenant From Hell . . . You loser.
I DEMAND THAT YOU CONTINUE and you will do as I DEMAND. And you WILL respond to paradoxical intention - because YOU are a fool and YOU are a loser and YOU can not control yourself and YOU will live a LOSER'S LIFE!!!!!!!!
Now do as I DEMAND,
lil knee-jerk loser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ha, Ha, Ha, Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
US-"Woohoo! We just got an amazing apartment that blows your pathetic
piece of crap listing out of the water! Oh and the landlord is
amazing! Homeless losers my ass moron!"
COZYROOMS-"Ah, my obedient Lil Twit!!!!! Landlords who rent - in this hot snap-everything-great-right-up market - to Twits, sight unseen over the internet are desperate and reckless. Amazing? And seductive!!!! Oh, yeah!
And what have you gotten into? Yeah! Lil Twit, yeah!!!!!!!! You really imagine this amazing landlord took you, Lil Twit, over someone here - who can be seen and screened? You really imagine that, huh? Ahhh, desperate folks turn to the internet and full of themselves unsuspecting Lil Twits.
Moron, is a higher grade level than Lil Twit, the A-Hole, who imagines she is oh sooooo smart - and clever.
Now, you WILL OBEY ME and YOU WILL write some more of your praddle - so that I am entertained by my experiments and studying YOU!!!!!
Yeah, Lil Twit. You WILL obey! Got it, Twit!!!!!!"
We stopped there, it started to get boring. I know it's excessive and we probably could have been doing far more productive things and, yes, we completely antagonized the weirdo, but can you blame us? I don't know, the shopping and hate mail just seemed like a comforting distraction from my fear of change and my poor management in stressful situations. I'll be the first to admit that I don't handle stress well. I've had a vaginal infection for nearly 2 months now which I believe is a direct result of it. On top of that, I get flaky, for example, this morning I tried to brush my teeth using my vaginal gel instead of toothpaste.
Hunter and I are doing our best not to strangle each other in the process of everything that's going on. The fear of not having a job to depend on for a month or possibly more is a bit overwhelming. We have to pack and paint and Hunter is a slob to begin with, so along with the enormous lack of organization that encompasses a home full of half filled boxes constantly taunting a control freak like myself, I find myself cleaning up after him on an hour to hour basis; half drunk bottles of coke, glasses of water scattered through out every room like were on the set of the movie Signs, every pen I own stuck in some crevice of our sofa; I'm finding it difficult not to lose it, and I think he knows it too. We got into a huge argument the other day over who can pack faster. I actually yelled the words, with the utmost sincerity, "oh, I could so totally pack faster than you Hunter!" and of course he responded with "I don't think so." Followed by me yelling, "I think so! Well at least I would be thorough!!" It was so stupid we both wound up laughing. Luckily our recovery time has improved drastically.
Really though, a lot of good things are happening. The move up north just feels so right and our road trip back home is going to be so much fun, both of us exploring parts of America we haven't seen before. We're going to be visiting Sedona, Santa Fe, Austin, New Orleans, and spending 4th of July in Nashville. In all my cynicism, I know I've taken this country for granted. My goal for the trip is to face each and every moment of it with honor and gratitude. I feel like I've spent the past few years mistaking America's presence for it's politics and as a result I've grown bitter and resentful. But I think I'm ready to let that go. Between The Artist's Way and my sponsor, I'm finally learning how to have fun in life. It's kind of sad to say bu I never really knew how. Even in the greatest moments I have found something to be sad, angry or fearful about. It's exhausting. Life is just too exciting to spend it miserable all the time. So I'm going to blast some Cat Stevens, say "fuck it" and Harold and Maude my way through the next 3 months. I'll keep you updated.
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