Living in the Now, an Extension of the Existential Journey

So my experiment has proven as difficult as expected.  At work, I find I want to stick my shoe up every one's ass and at meetings, well a room of alcoholics could piss anyone off.  Tonight Hunter got out of school 45 minutes early and I was planning on writing and exercising with that alone time.  It's not his fault but loving kindness is still rough.  Although I smiled and did the best I could, I would say the day was successful.

I am finding it hard to "live in the moment".  My head wanders so easily it's difficult to just concentrate on what is going on right now.  We were actually talking about that at my meeting tonight and I started thinking about the importance of living in the now and realized that if I want to enjoy the holidays I should dress up our apartment a little more.  I started thinking about how much more present I could feel if I had some yummy smelling Yankee candles from Target and perhaps a wreath and a Christmas throw for the sofa.  I also thought it would be helpful to buy a Christmas clock so there is Christmas music playing all day long.  Than I realized that I would benefit from a shoe rack like my mom has, it's doubled up so there is a lot of room and this could help make the living room look more organized.  Then I thought about buying a funky colored Christmas tree and started wondering what colored lights would best express my personality.  Multi-colored, definitely.  I bet Jane Austen would use white, simple and classy.  My friend from work went all red.  I do not like all red lights, too Moulin Rouge for my holiday likings.  Why is it so hard to find black, low rise, boot leg pants these days?  Skinny jeans have taken over the world and I can't wait for the day to come when we look back at skinny jeans and coach purses and ask ourselves what the hell everyone was thinking?!  My purse is falling apart.  I need a day off to go thrift store shopping.  But I always feel inadequate at those places.  I don't think I have a solid enough sense of self to wear 1960's patterns anymore.  They are very much, "stare at me!" and I am very much "close your eyes and put your ear plugs in".  I wish I had a nose plug to wear at night, Hunter gets really bad gas and it wakes me up sometimes, the smell is like nothing I've ever experienced before.  Funny thing is, practically nothing wakes me up on Seroquel, that's how pungent these fuckers are.  He suggested he fart on me in the morning to make getting out of bed easier.  I'm not sure I am down for that idea.  This thought process started 7 minutes into the meeting, the next thing I knew we were standing up to do the lords prayer.  I definitely have a problem with being present.