Procrastination

I wanted to die today.  The feelings of hopelessness were unbearable.  My mother and Hunter always joke about how I have 2 emotions-ecstatic and pissed off.  But depression, that, among them all, consumes me.  So, so regularly.  It swallows me, suffocates me.  I miss being manic.  Those feelings like you could take on the world with just one, tiny, crooked little finger.

I know it's not just me that's struggling.  I spoke to Hunter, my little sister, my grandma and my uncle today.  All of them talked about hopelessness and frustration and fear.  We are living in a time where nobody can depend on much of anything.  The stagnant but powerful feeling of unrest that characterizes America has left us disillusioned, discouraged. . . .unhappy.  Perhaps the knowledge that I'm not alone might just be enough to keep me alive today.  But I'm not sure what will do it for me tomorrow.  So I guess I'll save my dull razors for a rainy day, considering it hardly rains in Southern California, I'm hoping that when it does start to fall, my thoughts will be dwelling on sunnier circumstances.